I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Barsexuality is the new black.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
