You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
