so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
