What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
