see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Randomize
