TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize