He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
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