Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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