I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
