I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
