the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
