I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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