I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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