i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
