Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
