Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
