i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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