lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
