I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I AM VODKA MAN
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
