Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
