there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Do you still have your period?
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize