where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize