and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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