This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
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