why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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