there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize