I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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