I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
