everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
