I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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