smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
