Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
