I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
