Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
