he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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