Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
