One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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