dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
