Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
