i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
