Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Why is there bacon in the couch?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
