I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
