therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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