Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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