we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
