Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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