i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
