I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I just gift wrapped bread.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
