I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
