bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
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