and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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