i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Randomize
