my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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