Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
dude i'm inner monologue high
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Randomize
