I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize