Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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