Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
