Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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