i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
