I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
i dont even know how to be here
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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