I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
