you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize