ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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