Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize