You can't special order awesome
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
