I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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