For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
