i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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