How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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