Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
