I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
