It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
