i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Randomize