I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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