I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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