is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
