Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
She swung at the pinata with crutches
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
