When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I think I just sharted jello shots
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize