watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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