after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
