the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
